Healing
Here we are May the 20th and I hope and pray my husband will be home in 8 days--that's the plan. As I sit and reflect on the past 2 1/2 months I do have a lot to be thankful for but believe me when I tell you its been hard. Everything seems so much bigger with Steve gone. I feel like a single parent all over again. The unknowns of so many things, not being able to call him or talk to him as he is in a dangerous place. Trying to do the right things on this end and have my heart in the right places to find myself being a victim ....to losing a dog....to losing one of my jobs..to breaking my pinkie toe on my left foot--to worrying about Connor ..to having my daughter be a HUGE help thank God she is home for now..to people stepping up that I had no idea would...to family calling,sending cards, being an ear an shoulder..to my sister sending a t-shirt a card and a sticker just because she wanted to do something extra to make me smile...its been a long few months but through it all there was good and there was bad. Welcome to reality right? I think I am stronger because of it all and I am looking at this time frame now with just 8 days to go as a healing time for me. I reflect and I heal.I know God wanted this time for me to be positive and to be a growing time for me. Through His Grace I will set FREE and I can see the light now at the end of the tunnel. The end is near and I thank God for all the prayers as the bottom line is that is what is truly most important.I want to now make my relationships from good to great. I just started reading this book--Five-Star Families moving from good to great. All the Mother's got one at my church. Family means..people who love you and give you room to grow. Family is the foundation in which we build our lives. Know where you are headed and you will stay on solid ground-Prov.4:26. Family means being who you are and getting away with it. Family means knowing you are on the same team. Family is people who know your faults and chose to love you anyway.Family means knowing someone is in your corner.Family means you never feel left out. Family is our first experience of love that ultimately connects us to the world. Family means never feeling alone no matter how far away you are. Family are the heartbeat of your life. Family is where God teaches you about his love. Family means you are apart of something bigger than you.
'The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love: Gal 5:6. Family is a soft place to land. Let the healing begin......................
I am feeling low
Its hard to believe I haven't blogged since March the 27th---here we are May the 2nd and Steve is still gone. I miss him so much!!!!
April was a tough month with the exception of going to Virginia. I had a great time with my family and my good friend Teresa.
The rest of the month was disappointing--I felt attacked- and I feel a different dynamic that I am not sure about. I had a situation with a landscaper that turned into me losing my money --getting taken advantaged of -victimized and it was so very upsetting- this has been going on since the end of March and here we are with my yard still not done yet. Its very frustrating as I reach out to my church for help
and people there even said-- hey we will help you Amy etc etc and yet I am the one calling to find out if and when it will actually truly happen. I called this morning and the guy told me it was raining and he didn't want his men to get sick yet its not raining and what did he mean 'his guys'? I thought the Iron Men were gonna get together and knock this out for me ..?? This situation has really made me feel
put off and it really shows me who really steps up when action is needed.I don't ever like asking for help ...and I can tell you numerous people who have told me Amy if you need anything just let me know....and the funny thing is when I have let them know its been one thing or another. I know people have their own lives and everyone has issues and problems and I do try to understand all of that .....but am I wrong
to count on my church family? Am I wrong to ask for help with Connor? Do people feel I am so strong I can just handle it? I pray and I try my best to help people in need
but why do I feel when I need the help its either no I can't or people will get to me whenever.It hurts and its very disappointing.I prayed and prayed last night.
I need a hug so BAD. The people I thought would step up haven't. Its real easy to say you are going to do something but when the action is needed stories seem to somehow change---Why is that? How can I not take any of this personal especially when its my church and even some of my friends? I wonder .....its hard....but the Lord has provided so that in itself I am very thankful but there is a part of me hurting.In God's eyes, true greatness is serving others. Where words fail, music speaks.A little love can make a big difference. Love is more than a sentiment, it's putting another's needs ahead of your own. God's work is done by those who pray and that's what I have been trying to do. In closing when all you have is God, you have all you need.
Flashback Friday
Kirsten--Kindergarden back in the day
I miss Steve
Here is Friday the 27th and Steve has been gone 8 days now. I am not feeling well today so I miss him that much more!!Connor is counting down the days until Daddy comes home.Connor does things for me all the time to remind me of Daddy. I was driving last night and Connor sat up in the sit real tall and said look behind you Mommy" I am sitting tall like Daddy does this remind of Daddy?". Connor says Mommy I had a dream last night that Daddy was in jail and he broke out and killed all the bad guys.Connor says Mommy since I am man of the house -Can I sleep in your bed?" " What does the man of the house do in your bed Mommy? Mommy can I tell Kirsten to clean her room since I am man of the house? Connor is too funny.
Kirsten put together a dresser for me that I bought Connor and I paid her twenty bucks, but the look on her face of accomplishment when she finally finished it was PRIDE! I don't remember that last time I saw that look.Way to go Kirsten!!Kirsten has been a big help since Steve has been gone. She is so good with Connor. We finally got her a vehicle so I know that is a weight off her shoulders.Kirsten seems to be showing determination and I like it. I feel her and I have gotten closer since she has been home. Its like we are both looking out for each other and it feels good.
I can't wait until we get tattoos together!!:) Kirsten is getting a sunshine on her foot with clouds kinda behind it in purplish color as that is my favorite color. I also used to sing to Kirsten You are my sunshine!!I will be getting the Christian fish that Kirsten designed it will have Kirsten and Connor b-day and my wedding date in script in shape of the fish. I am real nervous about getting it I never thought in a million years I would even want one.
I am hoping I can go to Virginia around Easter to see the family. I miss not being near everybody. I hope somehow I can see Carin -meet her boyfriend -see Olivia -Laura and the boys and Mom and Dad. I hope to also see the Lusczek family --my sister Erin and her family and my brother and his family. I hope somehow to be able to get all this in four days.We will head home the Monday after Easter.Maybe my prayers will bring Steve home early and he can go with us.:) I miss him SO MUCH!!
Just having him home makes me feel safe without him here I hear everything. I notice so much more the things he would do as I am doing them now.I have gained a greater level of appreciation of partnership that he and I have together.He makes me so happy. Keep Steve safe Dear Lord bring him home early to us!!!!
Flash back Friday--Me at 6
So here I am 6 years old back in the day!!!!!
St Patrick's Day Brunch
Thank you Joyce and Danisha for your help in the brunch process.
Danisha your devotion on friendships and how God has worked in your life was so touching!!!Joyce your help in setting up--cleaning up --gifts and just knowing you would be there meant so much to me--THANK YOU!!! To think how our friendship has grown through the secret sister ministry is so amazing and so meaningful. Danisha to think where we were a few years ago and I can't even remember what really happened
but I do know now our friendship now has grown to great conversations-biblical advice-
walking-movies-hanging out--and then for you to take T's spot at the brunch really meant a lot!!!You both mean so very much to me and I am so thankful for each of you.
Thank you Lord for Joyce Ottino and Danisha Nutter!!!!
A word of Encouragement
I awoke this morning with calm in my spirit as the Lord brought to mind His faithfulness. The Lord later brought Matthew 8:26 to mind as I was driving to Costco. In the story, the disciples are all freaking because of a huge storm that is overwhelming them. They look around in fright only to find Jesus resting. They all start freaking out and wake Jesus from what was probably a pretty good nap. He tells them all to relax and stop freaking out and reminds them who He is as He calms the raging storm with only a few words.
The point of the story for me is not that Jesus calmed the storm, but that He was resting in the middle of one! Why would it be surprising that the Son of God, who was present at the foundation of the world, would not be awakened by a storm? Jesus had already established that He was no slouch! It’s as if turning water to wine, raising a dead guy, completely healing a bunch of sick people, and feeding an entire town from a young boy’s lunch box wasn’t enough! Jesus had to once again show them that He was the all-powerful Son of God. A bit irritated, Jesus lovingly chastised His team. He reminded them, again, that fear is not necessary because He was with them.
There seems to be fear brewing across this nation. I have to confess it has crept up in me a few times also. But this morning Jesus reminded me through Matthew 8:26 that the God of all creation abides in me. The same Jesus who calmed that raging storm, who was resurrected from the dead… the same one who God has put in Authority over all things, lives in me and you today. We can rest in that…no matter what storms are in our lives! If Jesus isn’t freaked out in our storms, we don’t have to be either. We can trust that He is in control of all things and that our hearts are safe in His care.
Oh yeah!!!Happy Friday!!!!!
